good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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