I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
