Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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