I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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