I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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