its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
