I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
