Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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