You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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