once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
