I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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