My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
