My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
