im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
