I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
