why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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