Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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