Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
