dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ok first of all what the fuck
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
