All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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