so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
