tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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