the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
