You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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