They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
