wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
