do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
