Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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