I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
