if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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