I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
