OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
