And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
