Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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