the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
