the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
