awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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