Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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