I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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