If that was your dad, he is hot
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
