i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
