wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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