Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
