hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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