So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
