Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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