you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
