There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just high enough for therapy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
