we're blogging at a bar
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
