He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
