I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
